Thoughts on... people

This goes out to all those who have had life changing experiences in their lives: could have been this summer like mine or earlier on in life...
When your life changed and you went back home (or if you never left home but went back to your non-Christian friends) did some of their attitudes change towards you? I had a life changing experience this summer... as some of you may know back in grade seven my grandpa Champ died of a heart attack. This devestated me... he was my inspiration... he loved me and i loved him. We had so much in common. I tried to be like him... in my walk with God right down to my favourite flower: the crimson rose. I became very secluded at school and stopped talking to people... I would mope around school... until one of my "friends" told me she thought i was depressed... this scared me so I started pretending I was always happy and hyper. Deep down I was slowly eating myself in grief. I would cry myself to sleep at night and no one knew. I always hated myself because the last thing I ever told my grandpa was NOT that I loved him like i should have but "I will see you next Sunday Grandpa"...I am still waiting for that Sunday... anyways... that's what started me on my road to where I ended up six months ago (March 2006). In grade eight that "friend" that tried to diagnose me with depression and I had a major fight and we were never friends again... i won't go in to detail... but that led me to an even bigger problem of depression. I went to high school and for some reason I just felt like an outcast there. I felt unwanted and unloved so I got even more and more depressed... I was sinking and I couldn't find myself. I felt like a fish out of water, floundering about for some water to get back into but I couldn't find it until grade ten. I found someone and she helped pull myself back together... it was going great! Everything seemed to be falling back into place... but then she came to us (our small group) and told us on the last youth group that she wasn't coming back the next year, in fact she was moving out of the city to a city about an hour and a half away. So that was kinda upsetting... I went to camp and had a minor life changing time... it didnt last... because grade eleven came... it was fine until about Decemeber... when I felt my life slipping but I didn't have the strength to lift myself out. So I let myself sink again... lower and lower... and lower and lower... until I hit almost rock bottom... more like really hard clay... I started to cut my wrists because I hated life and wanted the pain gone... I didn't like emotional pain so I thought "hey i can deal with physical pain better"... trust me... it didn't work... AT ALL! Don't try it... I fell away from God completely (yet continued to teach Sunday School... it was hard) for about four weeks... then God hit me in the face and basically said "SMARTEN UP CASSANDRA... YOU KNOW I MADE YOU FOR MORE THEN THIS... STRAIGHTEN UP YOUR ACT AND GET SPIRITUALLY READY FOR CAMP!" So I did... at that time I didn't want to give up the cutting because it was a comfort... an addiction... I needed to... but when I stopped... it wasn't overly hard... yes i still today come across temptation... but I overcome Satan each time. But getting to my point... I went to camp and had friends who loved me uncondintionally... friends that would give anything to help me... one night during worship I just broke down and prayed and prayed and prayed for at least an hour maybe an hour and a half... and my friends sat with me and prayed and prayed and prayed with me, over me, over each other, over the camp, over the kids and over the staff. After that I felt so much better... a huge burden seemed to have lifted because I could finally at least semi- forgive myself and I knew God had forgiven me. Over the summer I came across new friends and kept old friends at camp they all helped change my life. Especially one; his name is Mike... he is now my boyfriend because God brought us together through our problems. We both had a nightmare to go through yet we made it through and found each other for support. God shoved us together almost. It was great. After camp Wabana was done... I went to a camp called Territorials... Territorials was amazing! We had a two hour praise and worship night and my best friend and I grew that much closer during that week... it helped her awhole lot... I must say thank you to Kent for helping... (note for Kent: you might not know how much you actually helped!)... anyways... when I got home I knew what I was in for... but I kinda hoped I was wrong. I knew that some of my friends wouldn't like the new "passionate" "hardcore" "on fire" Christian Cassandra. Sure enough some of my friends don't really talk to me because I have different opinions on sin then them, some think sex, drugs and alcohol are perfectly fine... not me... and some think that God is a myth... definatly NOT me! I just don't understand how people can look around them and think that all this beauty was created by a big bang... NO! never! All you have to do is look... open up your eyes and see the beauty... the beauty God created... Sit on the dock under the stars with some special... right after watching half a camp give their lives to God... and you will see the beauty and just want to... sing... dance... celebrate... rejoyce... jump in the water... just have a party over the greatness and beauty of Jesus Christ our risen Saviour!
Well I must say Good night and God Bless,
Cassandra/Cremini